Wednesday Halaqa: Low 3112. 6pm. Continuation of the book: Blissful Marriage – by Dr. Ekram and Mohammad Rida Beshir.
Bismillah. Alhumdulillah. Salaatu wa Salaam ala’ Rasulullah.
11/15: Today we began the next chapter from Blissful Marriage, “The Process of Selection”
We were first asked about what to look in a person when intending to get married, the students came up with the following.
- An Ayat from Surah Tahrim: “…who submit (their wills), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for Faith) and fast,- previously married or virgins.” [66:5]
- There is a hadith which mentions 4 reasons why one should marry a women: Abu Hurairah (raa) narrated that the Prophet (saw) said:” A women is sought for marriage for four reasons: her wealth, her beauty, her social status, and her Deen (religiousness). So select the one who is religious otherwise you are at loss.” In another narriation, Abu Sa’eed Al Khudry, and Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet (saw) said: “A women is married for three qualities: She is married for her wealth; she is married for her beauty; or she is married for her religion. So marry the one of religion and manners, may your right hand then be prosperous.”
- Sheikh Djafr pointed out that the first three characteristics out of the four (Wealth, beauty, and social status) all fade away with time. Deen on the other hand, if its firm inside a person, does not fade with time, rather increases bi’idhnillah
- A story was mentioned about a man who was fasting. He came across a garden and ate from it an apple to open his fast. He felt bad that he didnt ask the owner of the garden before he ate the apple. He went out to ask people who the owner of the garden was until finally he found him. He told the owner that he wanted to repay for this, and would be willing to do anything to repay for the apple. The owner told the man to marry his daughter. He told him that the daughter was deaf, blind, and unintellegent. The man who ate the apple agreed and married the women. When the man saw the women, she wasnt deaf, blind or unintellegent. He asked his wife, why her father would say such a thing. She said that her father meant by that, that she was deaf from haraam, blind from haraam, and unintellegent about haraam things. Her father wanted the best for his daughter, one who admits to eating an apple without permission and is willing to do anything to repay for it was the best fit as the father saw. This story shows how character of one is important in considering marriage.
- If we marry a person based on wealth, beauty or social status, the person could manipulate us with those things because we married for that sake. This leads to a horrible marriage.
- Three things while seeking a spouse:
- Being honest when seeking a companion
- Seeking advices from people who know the person
- Seeing the person in different environments to see their true self, so not to be deceived.
- Deen means real conciousness of Allah & Good character. Dont base it on beard or hijab.
- Personality: The Prophet (saw) said: “If someone comes to you and your pleased with them, with their deen & good personality & character, give them your daughter or sister (in marriage). If you dont, there wll be corruption on earth.”
- There is an arab saying: “Love makes a person blind and deaf” So dont be emotionally invovled with the person or else the defects of the person wont show, as stated by the arab saying.
- That is another reason why a wali is necessary, so practical aspects and defects can be evaluated.
- Story of Ismael and his wife (Ibrahim (as) said to Ismael to replace his doorstep after the first wife was ungrateful for her situation)
Next Class: Aqd and Wedding ceremony (nikkah, dowry, wali, etc..) Same place , Same time insha Allah November 29th
Alhumdulillah. Salaatu wa Salaam ala’ Rasulullah.