Blissful Marriage – Marriage according to Islam

1st Session of Spring semester: Wed. Jan 31st

RPI Campus – Room: LOW 3112

NEXT CLASS: Wednesday February 7th : 6-7pm – LOW 3112. Topic: How the Prophet (saw) dealt with his wives.

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What have we learned so far about marriage: Refer to notes before this.

Summary:

  • We learned the importance of marriage in a community, society, country, and world at large.
  • We learned how to select a spouse based on Quran and Sunnah
    • “If the one that comes to you is somone you will be satisfied with his deen and akhlaq
      • Why is Akhlaq (character,manners) mentioned seperatly here? To emphasize its importance.
      • A women came to Rasulullah (saw) for advice on marrying someone: Rasulullah (saw) replied about one: “He has no money because he is lazy” – Lazyness is a sign of lack in character and manners
        • Another case: Rasulullah (saw) said about a man : “His cane is always on his shoulder” – Poetically meaning that either he is violent in behavior or is not a stable person. Again emphasizing lack in character and manners.
  • Marriage can be among one of the three catagories for a person:
  1. Wajib: Obligatory on a person
    1. If the person is financially capable of supporting a wife (only applies to the man, the women isn’t obliged to support the man, but she can voluntarily)
    2. If the man is affraid that he might commit prohibited acts (intercourse).
  2. Mustahab aka Sunnah : Recommended to majority of population
    1. Prophet (saw): (Not exact text): “Get married, have children , for on the day of judgement I will be happy for the number of Muslims.
  3. Haraam: Prohibited.
    1. If a person cannot financially support the women.
    2. If they don’t have desire for intercourse.
  • We then learned how to know if somone is rightous
  • Umar (ra) hadith: Three ways by which you will know how a person is truly:
    1. Have you traveled with him?
    2. Have you had a business deal with him?
    3. Was he your neighbor?
    • Do not rely on their outward apprearance. They could be wearing a hijab or beard , but their character is not in accordance to Islamic Teachings.
    • Sisters , watch out for sweet talk. A man can be very sly in his words, but actions could be totally opposite. Dont fall into that emotional trap. Looks can be deceiving. “Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair” – Macbeth – Play by Shakespear
    • When making a decision for a potential spouse
      • Keep your distance from this person. So not to become emotionally attatched. “Love is blind”
      • Think carefully who you ask about the person. People who know the person. People who do not hate the person and do not have hidden motives.
    • Wali – The wisdom of having a wali (parental gaurdian) is apparent now. It protects the women from emotional hurt and other harms. (Anyone have a better translation for Wali?)
  • A Question was raised: What if I think the person is too good for me?
    • We analized this psycologically. Why would that be a bad thing? A good person only brings good, the worst thing could be that you could become a better person.
    • So this is a lack of Confidence in the individual
    • Or the person is not looking for good character, but just someone to have a good time with.
  • Balance in Islam: Islam in general is balanced , and Marriage life should also be balanced.
    • Abu Darda’s wife: She was visiting Rasulullah’s (saw) wives and she wasn’t well groomed. Rasulullah (saw) inquired about her state. She replied that Abu Darda doesn’t care about her looks. Rasulullah (saw) went to Abu Darda and asked him “what do you do in your time?”. He replied: I fast everyday, pray all night. Rasulullah (saw) told him that he has to give his wife her right to his time. “Give everyone the right that is due to them.”
    • Women came to Umar (ra) complaining about her husband and how he doesnt give her time because he is busy in worship. Umar (ra) was like, Thats great, you have a rightous husband. Umar (ra)’s assistant mentioned that she is complaining about this, not praising her husband. So Umar (ra)’s assistant told the man, O man, Allah gave you time, so give your wife her right of your time.
  • Dont complicate marriage. Islam isn’t Complicated, we complicate it with our cultures.

NEXT CLASS: Wednesday February 7th : 6-7pm – LOW 3112

TOPIC: How the Prophet (saw) dealt with his wives.

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